The Reason In Madness
by LizzieBeth91
Summary: The story of Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood, from the end of the war to the end of their lives. Written for the "Failed Relationships" Challenge on HP Challenge Forum and just because I love them.
1. The Moon Wants Only For A Sky

_**A/N: **__For Amy, Katy and my mother, my biggest fans who shipped Luna/Neville from the start._

_"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."- Frederick Nietzsche_

**The Moon Wants Only For A Sky**

_Neville,_

_I don't when I'll see you again, or if I ever will. They took me away from the train, from my father. They took me away from you. I didn't get the chance to tell you what I've wanted to tell you since the night you saved my life in the Department of Mysteries. _

_You, Neville Longbottom are the reason I wake up every day with hope inside my heart. You're milk and cookies, you're strawberry ice cream with chocolate topping and you're hot chocolate with marshmallows. You're everything that I love, but that I know I shouldn't really eat. _

_Neville Longbottom, you are my comfort food, and if we ever make it out of this mess, I want to grow old with you. The call just came through, they're starting to fight. Hopefully, I'll be able to give you this myself, but if not, I want you to know that I love you. I always have, I always will. The last word on my lips will be your name. _

_Love,_

_Luna_

_Dear Luna,_

_Harry just arrived; we're getting ready to fight..._

_I'm scared. I don't know if I can make it..._

_I don't know what I'll do if I lose you..._

_I hope I don't have to find out..._

_Stay safe Luna..._

_I'm going to need you when this is over..._

_I'm going to need you for always..._

_You're my moon..._

_Love,_

_Neville _

Neville Longbottom stood at his bench in the Great Hall, scanning the heads for the pale blonde he longed to see. Just as he spotted her- talking to Harry who swiftly disappeared behind his Invisibility Cloak- he began to feel very dizzy. She looked around at him just as he collapsed, falling to the floor. Looking up he could see stars, followed closely by her face. She looked at him with such urgency, such love that he wanted nothing more than to look at her forever. Before he was ready, his eyes drifted shut.

'Oh Luna' he breathed, succumbing to his exhaustion and pain. 

Luna sat stubbornly beside Neville, ignoring Madam Pomfrey's demands that she leave. She reached over to brush a bit of hair off his face, the tiny cowlick that she knows he hates. As she hovers over him, she holds in her hand a piece of paper that fell from his pocket. As she read it, the rambling lines with no end, she found herself unable to breathe. She took the small, delicately folded piece of paper out of her own pocket and dropped it on his chest, then turned and ran out of the hospital wing, ignoring the cries from the Weasleys gathered at the end bed. She ran down eight flights of stairs, through several passageways until she reached the Entrance Courtyard. Once there, she fell to her knees, sobbing hysterically, not noticing as McGonagall followed her outside.

'Luna?' she whispered 'are you alright?'

Luna looked up at her favourite teacher, face smeared with dirt, save for the tracks of pale skin shining through.

'That was a stupid question' McGonagall said after a few moments of silence 'I don't think any of us will be alright for a very long time. Would you like to walk with me?'

The older woman held out an arm to help the younger stand and they struck off in the direction of the lake, walking in companionable silence for several minutes before Luna spoke.

'Why did you ask me? Why not a Gryffindor?'

'Because I had something I wanted to say to you.'

Luna stopped and turned to her favourite teacher. As McGonagall searched for the words she needed, the wind started to pick up, blowing Luna's long blonde hair across her face.

'This year has been hard on you, I can see it. Don't let it affect you, don't you dare crawl into your shell. Don't lose yourself because of this' McGonagall told her, gesturing towards the castle 'you are one of the strongest girls I've ever met. Don't let this become all of you. Use it to become stronger, but don't lose yourself along the way. Let yourself love him, now that you have the chance.'

McGonagall turned to walk back up to the castle, stopping after a few steps to shout over her shoulder.

'Luna? You should have been in my house, and if you decide to come back, you will be.'

Luna smiled and then stood on shaky legs, walking the long winding path back to the hospital wing, stopping on the way to Neville's bed to lay a comforting hand on George Weasley as he willed his little sister to wake up. She sat beside Neville's bed, taking his hand in hers and pressing it to her heart.

'Neville, wake up. Please. There's something I need to tell you. Neville, please.'

His eyelids flicked briefly, but he did not wake. Luna brushed away the few tears she'd shed then leaned over her friend's sleeping form, kissing him gently on the cheek.

'If I'm the moon, you're the sky. Please wake up, I need you' she whispered before returning to the Great Hall to help with the injured.

**A/N:** This is just a short introduction chapter. I'd appreciate it if you could let me know what you think. Please find a handy review button below. Maybe it was a bit cheesy to use the 'Luna' thing, but I think that's the way love works sometimes.


	2. So This Is How It Feels

**A/N**:Don't worry too much about the Gryffindor thing Jackson...and xakemii- I fell off my chair laughing when I read your review. 'You're my mom....' o.O. And as for you Miss Fitzgerald....I thought you had school work to do? Just kidding, you know I love you. As always....please review!

**So This Is How It Feels**

_Neville,_

_If you die, I'll kill you myself._

_Luna_

'Luna!'

Charlie Weasley looks across the Great Hall at the young blonde, who hadn't heard him the first time he called. He cups his hands around his mouth before trying again. This time, she turns and spots him. She approaches him, weaving through the injured.

'Charles' she asks 'is he awake?'

'About ten minutes ago. He's been asking for you.'

That's all she needs to hear, and after handing the bottle of dittany to him, she sprints through the winding corridors, coming to an abrupt halt at the door to the hospital wing. He's sitting up in the bed, watching the door like a hawk and cracks a wide smile at the sight of her. She walks forward, until she's sitting on the edge of his bed.

'Neville' she breathes his name, before collapsing into tears. Neville wraps both arms around her, pulling her closer to his chest.

'The castle's ruined.....Colin's dead.....and Fred.....Professor Lupin....and you weren't waking up.....I was so scared' she rambles and he's unable to understand her through the tears.

'I thought you were dead.....' she whispers, before sitting up again to look at him.

'Don't. You. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Again' she raises her voice slightly as she lands hits on his chest.

'Miss Lovegood. It does no good to hit those recovering' said Madam Pomfrey, but when the pair looks around, she's smiling. She gestures towards their now intertwined hands.

'It took you long enough' she laughs, and then stops when Ron and Hermione enter 'but at least I didn't have to wait as long as I did with them.' Luna and Neville laugh as she bustles off to the next bed and Ron and Hermione approach them.

'Um, guys? Kingsley wants to see us in Dumbledore's office, if you think you can get up there' Hermione whispers. They nod, and Neville struggles to find his footing. Somehow, struggling all the way, they get to the Headmaster's office. They sit quietly on the couch in the corner, watching as the Weasley parents abuse Dumbledore. They watch Percy fall to pieces, they watch as his older brother leads him from the room, whispering words of comfort. They somehow find the strength to return to the hospital wing, where they sit, talking about everything, nothing, anything that steers them clear of the topic of _them_. Because all around them is chaos, destruction and families falling apart.

It's not until weeks later that anything happens. Not until the smoke had cleared, the dead are buried and life is kind of back to normal. Except it will never be normal again. Life as they know it has changed.

Luna stands at the top of the Hogwarts grounds, watching as a storm rolls in, not noticing Neville calling her name, not caring. It's midnight and she's only wearing her nightgown. He reaches her just as the rain begins to fall. He takes a moment to notice the way she seems to glow in the moonlight, the way she holds out her arms as if to catch them in her hands. Then, she spots him and grabs his hands, pulling him easily into a dance. They twirl around in the rain, laughing and crying at the same time. Then they separate and their eyes meet. There isn't a fierce gaze, like the way Harry described it, it isn't an impulse, like it was for Hermione, it's the most natural thing in the world for Neville Longbottom to step forward and kiss Luna Lovegood.

She tastes like nothing he's ever tasted before, she smells like rosemary and oh he thinks. 'So this is how it feels.' Then he thinks of nothing else but her.

Three days later, when Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione have returned from Australia with the Grangers in tow Neville learns what happened to Xenophilius Lovegood and sends his patronus to Harry in a panic.

'_Luna's father dead. Can't get to her. Please help.'_

By the time he gets to the Lovegood house, Ron and Harry have taken up residence in the kitchen, brewing tea, tears streaming unguarded down their faces. They gesture to the bathroom, where he finds Ginny, Luna and Hermione crouched, fully clothed under the running water, arms wrapped around each other, water tangling their hair into each others, tears streaming down the other girls faces as Luna screams in pain.

_A blonde, a brunette and a red head sit in a tiny shower..._

Neville's always loved jokes that start that way, but this time there is no punch line. This time, there's nothing except the girl he loves falling to pieces in front of him. He slides down the tiled wall, joining the girls, placing a hand on Luna's knee, letting the water fall over him, willing it to wipe them all clean.

It's Ron who eventually pulls them together, performing drying charms, calming them down, convincing them first to drink some tea and then to come to the Burrow for dinner. Amazingly, Luna- strong, brave, smart, independent Luna- allows the others to mother her. As they walk the short distance Neville opens his mouth to ask Ron and Ginny why they've come to help, when they have so many other things weighing them down.

'Don't you dare ask Nev' Ron almost growls.

'But why?' Neville asks.

'Because you're family' Harry answers for him.

And then, Neville understands. Ron and Ginny have already lost one sibling; they don't want to risk losing another. Never again. So he lets himself walk into the comfort of Molly's kitchen, lets himself be greeted by Molly, Fleur and Audrey, lets himself be 'rescued' by the men. He lets himself feel at home, because now, he has Luna, he's no longer fighting, he has his family. He is home.

Luna had never had anyone but herself and her father. She always wondered what it would be like to be part of a family, and now she knows. She lets Molly exclaim over her and listens to the woman talk about her father. She laughs at Charlie and Bill, listens to Ginny and Ron mock argue. She watches as Percy and Arthur set the table, she sits with George for several minutes neither one speaking.

Fred was the first person at Hogwarts to make her welcome. He introduced her to Ginny, who in turn introduced her to Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville. She owes a lot to him and she'll never forget it.

As they sit down to dinner, she remembers that Hermione and Ginny sat with her as she cried and she realises. Fred Weasley didn't just give her some friends. He gave her brothers and sisters, the siblings she never had, but always wanted. And oh, she thinks.

'_So this is how it feels.'_

**A/N:** In case you were wondering....Lifehouse's _You and Me_ is what I imagined for the dancing in the rain and their other song _Broken_ us what I imagined for the rest. Go ahead, listen to them. I dare you.


	3. Outtake I'm Tripping On Words

**A/N:** I'm glad you liked the two songs. I've used them for my brother Liam- who is a huge Lifehouse fan, a love he passed to his little sister- the most likely Neville candidate. These are mainly for my brother David's benefit, because he wanted Luna's perspective and he wanted to know what made me pick those two songs. Enjoy!

**Outtake- I'm Tripping On Words**

'_All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You've got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here'_

_-Lifehouse "You and Me"_

In years to come, Luna Lovegood wouldn't be able to tell you why she was out in the storm, but it seemed to make perfect sense. She stood in the cold wind, letting the goose bumps appear on her skin, letting the wind whip the end of her nightgown around her ankles and her hair around her face. Just as the rain began, she heard someone approach her, speaking her name. She turned around, and found the only person she'd have expected to see.

She walked towards Neville, opening her mouth to speak, but not sure what words she wanted to say. Behind him stood the castle, where so many had fought, where so many had died. She can't find the words though, she never could. She'd never understood the way her heart beat around Neville, like it had forgotten the regular pattern, she only knew that when he wasn't waking up, it felt like her heart would never remember to beat again. She opened her mouth again in an attempt to tell him that, but found herself taking his hand as the rain increased.

She lead him into the middle of the clearing they stood in, and they began to dance.

'There's no music' he whispered as he twirled her.

'We can make our own' she answered, amazed that the words had come out in the correct order.

And so they danced to their own tune, twirling faster and faster until they got dizzy and giggly. They continued to dance until they were drenched and it was no longer funny, but sad. They stopped and she found herself lacking words again, only knowing that she didn't want to ever leave this moment. Then, Neville leaned forward and his lips touched hers, softly at first then ever so much more passionately. She realises then that she's not the only one tripping over thoughts and words, she's not the only one who doesn't understand how to put feelings into words, but it doesn't matter anymore, because she's found him and they've found a way to tell each other and they're happy and they're together and nothing else really matters anymore.


	4. Outtake I'm An Open Book Instead

**Outtake- I'm An Open Book Instead**

'_I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead  
And I still see your reflection  
Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose  
They're still looking for life'_

_-Lifehouse "Broken"_

It's been two weeks since the kiss in the rain, and suddenly things do matter again. Luna's world has gone topsy turvy with the arrival of a letter from Kinsgley Shacklebolt. She's read it twenty times over, but the only words that stay with her are 'regret to inform you', 'father' and 'deceased'. She doesn't hear the front door open, nor does she hear Hermione and Ginny calling her name. She does notice when they enter the kitchen with Harry and Ron in tow. Harry is the first to say anything, apologising profusely as he wraps both arms around her. She nods and tries to tell him that it's not his fault, that it's nobody's fault, but the words won't come, because it's all her fault. If she hadn't fought, they wouldn't have taken him. If she hadn't fought, her father would be sitting at this table now, and she'd be telling him all about dancing in the rain with Neville and he's not, and she's the one to blame.

She suddenly pushes her chair away from the table, muttering something about having a shower. She's always done her best thinking in the shower, and so she turns the taps on after shutting the door, and doesn't realise until she's under the running water that she's still fully dressed. That's the final straw, she sinks to the floor sobbing so loudly that Hermione and Ginny hear her from the kitchen. They knock timidly on the door, before entering anyway when she doesn't respond. When they see her, they immediately join her, no questions asked, wrapping their arms around her, rocking her, whispering comforting words.

'It's my fault' she whispers.

'No, no it isn't' Hermione insists, holding her tighter.

(A small voice in Luna's head wonders who this is, because it couldn't be Hermione sitting fully clothed in a running shower. Could it?)

'It is' she insists 'he'd be alive if I hadn't fought the Carrows. He'd be alive and I'd be telling him all about kissing Neville...'

She sees the other two exchange a glance and realises that they don't know about the kiss, because they were in Australia when it happened. But that doesn't matter now, because her daddy, her only family is gone. She bursts into a fresh lot of tears, only now realising that the girls either side of her are crying for her and she realises that these two are her _sisters_ and maybe she can cope eventually, but for now all she knows is the weight crushing her heart. All she knows is that her father is dead, and it's all her fault.


	5. Though Your Heart Is Aching

**A/N: **This chapter is both a continuation (yes, I'm still alive) of Luna and Neville's story and a response to a challenge I accepted a while ago. I can't remember the name, nor can I find it (that's how long ago it was) but it was to pick a song from 'Glee' and write a Harry Potter fic using it. I chose the Charlie Chaplin song 'Smile' and here it is.

**Though Your Heart Is Aching**

_Luna, _

_Can you meet me in the usual place at the usual time?_

_Neville_

Luna sighed and set aside the piece of parchment she'd just found. There were more important things to do today. Like saying goodbye. She hears a timid knock on the door as she bends to buckle her shoe. She doesn't answer, but that doesn't stop Hermione and Ginny from entering anyway.

'Luna?' one of them whispers and she glances up.

'It's time' Ginny shakes out, offering her hand.

_Luna is surprised to find Neville standing with Ginny when she arrives at the Room of Requirement. They're studying a piece of paper and don't even notice her entrance._

'_Neville?'_

_They both turn, and smile at her, Ginny offering her a hand to join them. As she gets closer to them, she realises they're holding the old DA list. How they got it, she has no idea but it makes her smile._

'_Luna, we've been talking about it' Ginny informs her 'and we think it's time'_

_Luna doesn't have to ask what it's time for._

They arrive at the cemetery just as it begins to drizzle rain. They ran up the path and into the small chapel, shaking the water off their shoes at the time.

Luna stops short as she enters, unable to move, unable to even breathe until Neville places a hand on her back and helps her walk towards the coffin. She touches her hand to the wood, letting a few tears fall, before turning back and sitting in the front row. Beside her, Ginny takes her hand and she settles in as Kingsley stands to speak.

_Dad,_

_I know I shouldn't tell you this, at least not in a letter, in case they crack our code, but you should know that we've decided to stand up and we're going to do what we tried a few years ago, only this time, we'll succeed. _

_Love,_

_Luna_

_Luna sighed, putting down her pen before turning to address the room. She was amazed by the number of students that had turned up to join. _

'_Welcome, I guess. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. My name is Luna Lovegood. I guess what I need to say is that we have to fight back. These are troubling times we're living in; it's hard to remember that there are things worth smiling about.'_

'My father always used to say that a smile can go a long way...'

'_That even when you felt sad, or lonely all it took was for someone to smile at you and things got a little better'_

'He had theory that if people smiled at each other more often, maybe it'd be a better place. He was like that though. He wanted to believe in making a better world, saving everyone. He wanted to believe in something. So he did, and it's because of him that most of us are here today. Because at some point, my dad smiled, even though there wasn't much to smile about at the time.'

'_But now we have something to smile about. This war will end, and there will be peace. It may hurt a lot to get there, but it'll be worth it. So, smile, because the reason we're here is a good one.'_

'The reason we're here is to celebrate what has been, not to cry over what has been lost. So please, for my father's sake, smile.'

Luna stepped away from the podium and watched as the coffin moved to the room where it would be cremated. After that, they would take the ashes to the small lake where her parents had met, and scatter them. The way her and her father had scattered her mother's ashes years before.

She found herself being steered towards the door by Neville, away from a crowd of well wishers, as she felt her stomach churning. They made it to the garden of daffodils before she fell to her knees, vomiting and choking back sobs. She feels Neville's hand holding back her hair, hears Ginny asking if she's alright and sees the sun come out, making the world a bit brighter, so she turns and smiles at them, before turning to speak to the well wishers.

'_We asked you all here today for one reason, and one reason alone. We don't want to fight, we want to win. We want you to help us. We want you to help us take back Hogwarts.'_

_Luna took a deep breath and sat back down as Ginny stood to begin speaking. Neville squeezed her hand and she smiled at him nervously. They could do this, and then they could smile again._


	6. Glass Of Water

**Glass Of Water**

Six months after her father's funeral, Luna knocks on the door of the Burrow. Molly opens it, already preparing to send the girl on her way.

'Oh, hello Luna. The others aren't here at the moment, but I'll let Ginny know you came by.'

'Actually Molly, I was hoping I could talk to you without the others around. I need some help with something, and you're the only mother I know in the area.'

Molly notices something in the girl's eyes, and thus steers her into a kitchen chair.

'How late are you?'

'Two weeks' she manages before bursting into tears. Molly makes her a cup of tea, and sits beside her.

'Can you- can you- per-per-perform the charm?'

'I already did. Luna, you're having a baby.'

'I am? But what will Neville say?'

'I'm guessing he'd be happy. But you won't know until you tell him.'

'Thanks Molly. I hate to cry and run, but I need to speak to my boyfriend.'

'Of course'

Later that night, Luna and Neville are sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner. Suddenly, Neville slides out of his chair, down on one knee.

'Luna, I know I should have a speech prepared but I'm not good with words. Will you marry me?'

The ring is a small sapphire with rubies on either side. She nods, allowing him to slide the ring onto her finger.

'Nev' she whispers 'we're having a baby.'

He moves back in shock, placing one hand on her still flat stomach.

'A baby?' he asks, even as she nods. He laughs with delight, picking her up and swinging her around. He resists the urge to shout at the top of his lungs, settling for placing her on the ground.

'I'm marrying the most beautiful girl in the world. And she's having my baby.'

**A/N:** Just a short chapter this time to set up for the next one. The title is from a cutesy song by Crowded House called Italian Plastic. The full line is 'when you wake up with me, I'll be your glass of water'. I'm going to see them in concert tonight so most of my titles are coming from them today. :)


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